* This is a letter I wrote to my mom in response to her advice on life. I think it really summarizes my life at this point even if it is very revealing.
Thanks, I really needed this letter. I was having a bad day today and stressing out, as usual, about money. I feel like I am letting Dad down and again not following through on my commitments...The biggest issue is not just paying Dad but also having enough money to save. For the next couple of months it will be tight because if I want to use my only vacation time that I have this year, in August, I need to really buckle down and save. I have been told that if you don't use the vacation time and go away you can really burn yourself out. Plus traveling is one of the reasons I came to Korea. But obviously Dad is my first priority. I was also having a bad day because I over slept this morning and have just been generally stressed out. I think I am getting another cold (I have white spots on the back of my throat) and I just really hate it when I get these emails from Dad. It makes me feel really horrible and then I am all depressed for the rest of the day. But, being depressed doesn't solve the problem so I must put my plan into action.
Thanks for the career advice it was really helpful. I agree that I must focus on cultivating my strengths and living in the now. If I am constantly burdening myself with stress about my future career than I am not really giving my present commitments my full attention. My present commitments of course being my kids. If I really work hard everyday and give teaching my best effort I think that good things will follow. But, if I stress out and pay more attention to other things like my career, guys, or evn drinking with my friends then I will always be living in a life of arrested development.
Speaking of guys...as far as this new relationship goes I agree with you, dad, and my friends. It is important to take things slow. There is no need to rush. My guy friend last night told me I have a lot going for me and if this guy doesn't see it than it is his loss. I need to remind myself of that especially when I am feeling the need to find a relationship. When the right guy comes along he will see what I have to offer and vice versa and theoretically the relationship should just develope naturally. I really like this guy and I am sure he likes me but there are a unique set of challenges for us, like in any relationship, so we must just ride it out and determine if the relationship is worth the extra work. For now though I am going to remain focused on my wonderful kids, saving money, and most importantly enjoying this amazing time in my life. I know that one day when I am in Grandma's position and I look back at my life I will be satisfied with the choices I made and always remember the amazing people and places have visited. I don't want to look back at my life and wish I had spent more time enjoying it instead of let it all fly by. Even though Dad thinks I am "holing up" in South Korea that is not the case. I love it here and I don't want to leave because there is far too much to enjoy. For once in my life I have a great job that pays well and I finally feel like it is giving me the ability to start my life. As opposed to living pay check to pay check or even worse one bad tip to the next bad tip. I finally feel like an adult and I want to continue to show Dad and you that I am an adult by paying him back and finally breaking free of my financial dependency on him, which is painfully embarassing. I don't know when I will finally come home but I don't forsee it anywhere in the near future (that is a good thing). Who knows where life will lead me but for now I will just focus on today.
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